Trying to keep my head higher than my heart.

Here I am at 5:30am, bright eyed and bushy tailed. Ready to go.

Now it is 1:30pm and I am tired. Very, very tired. And not just from the early morning, this is a different kind of tired, the kind that comes from a aching heart and racing mind.

At the No on Prop 8 volunteer training, they told us we would get heckled, yelled at and called names. They told us to ignore it, otherwise it might take all day to recover. I thought, "psh, I can handle a little name calling, after all, I know what I am doing is the right thing."

I learned an important lesson today.

We set up shop in front of the parking lot, well outside of the 100 foot marker that you are not allowed to campaign within. The goal for us was simple - remind people to vote no, and to be as unobtrusive as possible. We weren't there to change minds, it was too late for that anyway. And we weren't there to get in the way. We each held a stack of 4 inch by 3 inch flyers for voters who were still confused about the details (voter confusion was one of the biggest set backs for the campaign). We waved and smiled at cars, but held no large signs, just our stacks of flyers.

The first few insults were kind of funny. The thought that some one would slow down just to tell us we were going to hell was laughable.

But as the words kept flying, my shield wore thin. I had the privilege of being called:
*Unamerican
*disgusting
*shameful
*a disgrace

and told:
*we have no right
*we should (or will) go to hell
*where we should shove our flyers (I'll leave that to your imagination)

all within a two and a half hour span. I never once approached a voter, I let them come to me if they wanted information. I was not shouting, I was not engaging. I was as unobtrusive as a person can be when campaigning.

What I realized today was that words and fear are an excellent and unfair weapon. They wear on you, it's hurtful and it makes you want to turn around, leave, and give up.

I left the poll site more exhausted than I have felt in a long time, but also more passionate about the cause. I felt first hand (and to a much smaller degree) the kind of discrimination and hate that goes on in the world. I experienced what it feels like to have to hold back every urge to fight back, yell louder, call names because you already have the disadvantage and it will do you no good.

Let me take a minute to explain my issue with prop 8. I think everybody has the right to believe what they want to believe about marriage. Churches can enforce whatever rules they want to. But when we write a law that openly discriminates against a group of people, it crosses a dangerous line. I am not arguing weather or not gay marriage is right or wrong, that is for you to decide (or at least for another debate). But rewriting the California constitution for this IS wrong, and it opens the doors for many other dangerous laws.
This is a very heated proposition that, understandably, has both sides concerned. This proposition has received the most funding (on both ends) and the most media attention than any other proposition in American history. The ultimate goal of Prop 8 is to rewrite the California constitution so that the wording specifically states that marriage is between a man and a woman, thus taking the right away from same sex couples, making them (in my opinion) second class citizens. I am struck by the similarities between this law and the old laws that prohibited blacks and Latinos from marrying whites. That is why I first became passionate this - my parents are an interracial couple, as are Tyson and I. We were fortunate enough not to have to deal with any discrimination. But what if we did? There are other problems that come with this proposition, but this is ultimately where it struck home for me.

I learned a few more lessons today:
* I underestimate the open mindedness of the elderly. I got more smiles and thumbs up from them than I expected.
* The majority of voters in either direction genuinely believe that they are doing what is right. We had one lady with a big "yes on 8" sign in her car stop and tell us that she respects our right to be there but she was going to vote otherwise. We encouraged her to do so, letting her know that we weren't there to change her mind and she responded that she thought that is what is so great about our country. We have that right to vote about it. I couldn't agree more, and I was rejuvenated by the conversation (I wish she was there when somebody called me unamerican).
* I am more patriotic than I gave myself credit for. The most hurtful thing I was called today was "unamerican". I wanted to shout out - "My husband doesn't serve this country to take away rights, he serves this country to protect rights" but I didn't give it the time of day. Not worth it. but it still hurt more than I expected.

All in all this was a day of learning for me. It is easy to step back and ignore what is happening, because, hey, it doesn't happen to me. But allowing it to happen to others is just as bad as doing it myself. This was a good chance for me to open my eyes and I am blessed to have had the experience, as wearing as it may have been.

I have not touched on religion in this post, because I don't believe that religion is what this proposition should be about. But you should know one thing: I believe God is love.