I let myself read poison today and I shouldn't have.

I let myself read poison and it made me sick.

My feelings on what we are all calling this historical day are two pronged. On one hand I was moved to tears at the moment that our president elect walked out onto the stage. I was excited to be able to tell my kids that I remember the day that we elected the first black president in history. Something many of us thought we could never say. What an amazing feeling. After hearing that speech and watching the event, I was appreciative of president-elect Obama's somewhat sober attitude. This wasn't a victory speech to me, it was an acceptance of the feat that lays ahead. I feel more trusting of someone who looks at the future realistically. I was and still am hopeful.

On the other hand, I am deeply saddened at the passing of Proposition 8 here in California. Amidst this breaking of a historical barrier against discrimination, I am disheartened at the blatant ruling FOR discrimination. Where I am exciting for talking to my future children about electing the first black president, I am equally worried about explaining to them the hate that still lives in this world. Ironic that the Yes on 8 ads relied heavily on the idea that "gay marriage would be taught in our schools" (which it won't) using their children as human shield against a lifestyle that they simply don't accept. I am much more concerned about explaining why people are so hateful.

There is so much more I could say, but I want to let it rest there. I have to spend my energy fighting the angry monster inside me so that I will soon have the energy to see the good that is everywhere in this world of gray areas.
I am discovering a lot about myself this week. Some of it, you may not agree with. I am ok with that. Our differences are what makes this a beautiful world, and as always, I am for Love.

Just be warned that there might be an activist in me yet.